This Years Love?
Inopportune thought processes. The magnificence of this new amount of light truly renders me content as I wander up the creaky hill to town. The warmth and the brightness at 7pm stopped me dead for a second or two. Summer is coming over the horizon. How missed such bliss, the unkissed cloudrise in every single surprise. All it takes is one change to create a new universe. The paper thin, the transparency all these challenges we must pick up like kit bags and smile smile smile. All these vicious and evil sideways glances. The sad truth in the fact there is no such thing as a second chance. The power of the unspoken can never be underestimated.
The shift of debauchery at the public house next door was broken by the wisdom from the man sitting at the bar. He knocked back his courvousier yet still had the grace of when he had arrived, many hours earlier. The kindness shone on his face and the disco lights caught the whites of his eyes in the reflections of his pupils. Woeful and forlorn the amiable bar wench, dripped in drip trays and red in the cheeks from rushing. Taking a moment to drunkenly lean and smoke a cigarette at the end of the bar. People laughing all around, slurring expresshions and inpromptu dancing. I took a moment to smoke, lean and share my troubles with the near stranger. A paying customer. I explained that something was awry. He looked me in the eye and had the quickest response. The wisdom poured from his kind face and I felt warmth and happiness in my bones. With no indignation (or pre-warned indication) he gently spoke the words I needed to hear, yet didn’t expect. The age old philosophy of life being an ’easy come easy go’ state. He said "Life is too short darlin’, if you want something, go out there and get it, otherwise someone else will snap it up. You could be dead tomorrow" I realised I knew this. It’s not that it was ever obvious, it was so appreciated. Unexpected. It filled my heart with hope.
It’s always the most obvious things, that we’re too blind to see.
All grace poured down the drain with the introduction of hard liquor. My nerves stopping me at the last hurdle. As I scrawled at dawn impatient for patience I found another face to his wisdom. With a head dozy from smoking, from the penchant for wine, from the cosy furnishings; the words fell in to inkyness in my little black book. There is another side. Life’s lesson is to learn surely? From my frevious inexperience comes either a life lesson learned or a coldness. We’ve all seen the embittered who have indeed been bitten and as a result their hand is forever retracted. We have all seen those faithless for their faith has been tested or broken by the reckless or cruel... This is not learning the lessons, this is becoming scared due to a shock. Walking the thin line between love and hate like a tightrope? Know thy heart and be honest with (if no one else) yourself. I realised life is learning, otherwise it’s a vicious indignant circle of constant breakings and contant achings and nothing can get better whilst it’s the same.
These poignant moments. These blissful, soulful and passionate moments of youth are burned on the screen. With musical accompaniment or charitable silence. You can see the same view from the window, the same four walls for many many years. But a change of light, a little movement.. and it’s a new universe.
Never underestimate yourself.
The dreams last night held the face of the previously loved and I awoke glad to be dreaming, with a deep relief that those feelings are forgotten even when remembered. True liberty sails in the forgotten images, those tucked way forever and a day. The coffee grows cold on the table. I grow older every day, and a little wiser. With a little help from my friends.
Top toes will bring the dawn, this light will break all silence with such a sincerity
The war will come.
The war will come and it will blind the dim and insolent..
Fires will burn in every city, glass and pity on the disjointed faces in the streets...
Cuts on the hands and feet...
Bumps in the night, the sky set alight.